Someone to talk to

Assalamu Alaikum- 

just going to free write because that's what I am feeling right now

There must be someone that I can talk to

but my mind sometimes just draws a blank

and all the times I held it in '

carrying my feelings to my body's bank

I tried to start, to make conversation

but rejection led me astray

as much as I try to keep it in

these sinking feelings never go away

I feel like I never win

You would think my thoughts would grow wild with aggravation

or my tongue spilling out it's lingering  temptation

the words held inside so tight

and this heart so full of isolation

I will conquer this plight

moving on

and let my prayers take flight

I am wrong, so wrong, too wrong

but I will make it right

I am strong, so strong, too strong

I need to fight

Ya Rabb,  Ya Rabbi

I know  You hear me

take this pain from me

Ya Rabb,, Ya Rabbi

I don't know why I'm always looking

I've tried so hard to find a friend

but I'm lost, so lost 

I know it's not the end

let me be content in You

Ya Rabb, Ya Rabbi

all these confused feelings

Ya Rabb Ya Rabbi

calm me, grant me peace

clear my heart from travesty

clear my mind of everything

fill me with Your love

Ya Rabb, Ya Rabbi

La Illaha ill Allah

SubhanAllah SubhanAllah

I don't even care if this makes sense- I just really needed to write down how I was feeling.

©  2015- Fragile Flower Fatima/Gabby Hijabi/

©  2015  Zamina Papyrus           *pen name

Don't rush

Assalamu Alaikum.


I can not believe it has been over a month since I have posted- no wait yes, I can believe that because I barely have time for myself. Lol

I have lost about 20 pounds and after 60 days total of juicing took a short break from juicing and despite feeling a bit guilty- just going to say has been a roller coaster ride as I am not able to fully give up sweets but thus far have not been struggling with my weight. Just more or less maintaining it. I'm not in rush to drop wight only to gain it back- I am trying ti alter my eating habits and come up with a consistent way of eating cleaner while also becoming healthier. Sugar is my weakness.

I am lacking sleep most days and could really benefit from juicing at least as a par of eating healthier but money is tight as we are micromanaging every little thing so we can move into a house of our own inshAllah.

The 5 kids have been keeping me on my toes but feel all the more blessed because of their mobility Alhamdulilah!! They were sick in waves (we all were) and it was a horrible sight to see my babies sick- 

As much as I am thinking to write, I am distracted by the thought of vacuuming at 9 pm because you know the first 3 times wasn't good enough and dishes left from dinner and other things that really need tending to.

Time flies

Assalamu Alaikum


I have no concept of time- weeks feels like days sometimes SubhanAllah!!

I have been juicing 26 days (13 days exclusively) and bits of food here and there (salads, steel cut oats with flax, almond milk, and stevia) fiber is a MUST with juicing and I usually just add 1-2 tbsp of cold milled golden flax (ground) and stir it into what fresh juice that I just made. 

Although any and all fresh juice is beneficial - I LOVE green juice as I find I have a lot more energy after drinking it (almost instantaneous) BUT once you go completely green, and you have been juicing for a week or so you will notice that not only does it seem the weight your losing seems to be mostly fecal matter but a lot of problems arise if your not getting enough fiber to help clean everything out you will wind up  feeling like your urinating form both ends- I know TMI but that NEEDED to be said



Things are going well. I feel a lot healthier, have a lot less health problems and down 12 pounds. I'm being lazy about the exercise part but hoping inshAllah to start a regimen soon!