*This article is not of my own. It belongs to this site> http://www.jannah.org/sisters/marr.html
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM.
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Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. The prophet (pbuh) has said "there is no celibacy in Islam.
Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Iman". The prophet has also said, "Marriage is my tradition who so ever keeps away there from is not from amongst me".
Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.
It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman.
Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The purpose of Marriage.
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The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
* Marriage serves as a means to emotional and sexual gratification and as a means of tension reduction. It is also a form of Ibadah because it is obeying Allah and his messenger - i.e. Marriage is seen as the only possible way for the sexes to unite. One could choose to live in sin, however by choosing marriage one is displaying obedience to Allah.
Marriage is "mithaq" - a solemn covenant (agreement). It is not a matter which can be taken lightly. It should be entered into with total commitment and full knowledge of what it involves. It is not like buying a new dress where you can exchange it if you don't like it. Your partner should be your choice for life. One should be mature enough to understand the demands of marriage so that the union can be a lasting one. For a marriage to be valid certain conditions must be met.
1) consent of both parties.
2) " Mahr" a gift from the groom to his bride.
3) Witnesses- 2 male or female.
4) The marriage should be publicized, it should never be kept secret as it leads to suspicion and troubles within the community.
Is Marriage obligatory?
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According to Imams Abu Hanifah, Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Malik ibn Anas, marriage is recommendatory, however in certain individuals it becomes wajib/obligatory. Imam Shaafi'i considers it to be nafl or mubah (preferable). The general opinion is that if a person, male or female fears that if he/she does not marry they will commit fornication, then marriage becomes "wajib". If a person has strong sexual urges then it becomes "wajib" for that person to marry. Marriage should not be put off or delayed especially if one has the means to do so.
A man, however should not marry if he or she does not possess the means to maintain a wife and future family, or if he has no sex drive or if dislikes children, or if he feels marriage will seriously affect his religious obligation.
The general principle is that prophet (pbuh) enjoined up in the followers to marry.
He said "when a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion , so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half." This hadith is narrated by Anas. Islam greatly encourages marriage because it shields one from and upholds the family unit which Islam places great importance.
Selection of a partner:
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The choice of a partner should be the one with the most "taqwa" (piety). The prophet recommended the suitors see each other before going through with marriage. It is unreasonable for two people to be thrown together and be expected to relate and be intimate when they know nothing of each other. The couple are permitted to look at each other with a critical eye and not a lustful one. This ruling does not contradict the ayah which says that believing men and women should lower their gaze.
- The couple, however are not permitted to be alone in a closed room or go out together alone. As the hadith says "when a man and a woman are together alone, there is a third presence i.e. shaitan.
- There is no concept of courtship in Islam as it is practised in the west. There is no dating or living in defacto relationship or trying each other out before they commit to each other seriously. There is to be no physical relationship what so ever before marriage. The romantic notions that young people often have, have proven in most cases to be unrealistic and harmful to those involved. We only have to look at the alarming divorce rate in the west to understand this point. e.g. the couple know each other for years, are intimate, live together and so on yet somehow this does not guarantee the success of the future marriage. Romance and love simply do not equal a everlasting bond between two people.
Fact: Romance and love die out very quickly when we have to deal in the real world. The unrealistic expectations that young people have is what often contributes to the failure of their relationship.
- The west make fun of the Islamic way of marriage in particular arranged marriage, yet the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship.
This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
Love blinds people to potential problems in the relationship. There is an Arabic saying: which says "the mirror of love is blind, it makes zucchini into okra". Arranged marriages on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple.
This is why they often prove successful.
Consent of parties.
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There is a halal arranged marriage and a haram one. It is OK to arrange marriages by suggestion and recommendation as long as both parties are agreeable. The other arranged marriage is when parents choose the future spouse and the couple concerned are forced or have no choice in the matter.
One of the conditions of a valid marriage is consent of the couple.
Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people.
The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian under Maliki school. This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The prophet said "the widow and the divorced woman shall not be married until she has consented and the virgin shall not be married until her consent is obtained. The prophet did revoke the marriage of a girl who complained to him that her father had married her against her wishes.
The husband/wife relationship.
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-The wifes rights - the Husbands obligations.
(1) Maintenance
The husband is responsible for the wifes maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequen tial whether the wife is a Muslim , non-Muslim, rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.
The wifes maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wifes lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: The best Muslim is one who is the best husband.
(2) "Mahr "
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
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One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is:
"Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the apples of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous"
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.
A wife should make herself sexually attractive to her husband and be responsive to his advances. The wife must not refuse her husband sexually as this can lead to marital problems and worse still - tempt the man to adultery. The husband of course should take into account the wifes health and general consideration should be given.
Obedience.
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The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible. The man has been given the right to be obeyed because he is the leader and not because he is superior. If a leader is not obeyed , his leadership will become invalid -Imagine a king or a teacher or a parent without the necessary authority which has been entrusted to them.
Obedience does not mean blind obedience. It is subject to conditions:
(a) It is required only if what is asked from the wife is within the permissible categories of action.
(b) It must be maintained only with regard to matters that fall under the husband rights.
Showing posts with label Interests. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Interests. Show all posts
8.09.2009
I Was Tagged And No One Told Me!?!?
>Okay so while reading Tutties blog (and its very interesting by the way) i find that on the 20th of July I was Tagged.. Unless of course there is another Gabby Hijabi out there which i seriously doubt it.. and i am excited but sad.. excited because this is the first time i have been tagged.. and well sad because i just found out and its Sunday August 9th.. so here goes..
10 things about me
1.) I love talking on the phone with my husband at all hours, and i never run out of things to talk about. Sometimes he is annoyed by this but most of the time its okay. Oh and i hate answering the phone when anyone else calls.. i have to be in the "mood" to carry on a conversation and i am very bad about returning phone calls.and i love his accent.. i could listen to him talk for hours.. in arabic or english.. doesnt matter..
2.) I dont have many friends because i cant stand drama.. and even though i know its bad i am picky with who i befriend. I have 2 good friends and the rest i consider aquaintances. Usually i only talk to these people in the masjid.My best friend Mirvit is a yr older than me, has 3 kids, and is from south of egypt. though she is a "villager" she is Mashallah sweetest woman i have ever met and i love her like she is my blood sister (maybe even more)
3.) I am almost fluent in spanish. I learned a little in school ( and 3 yrs is not) then i had a 2 yr relationship (before islam) with a mexican who knew almost no english and no one in the house spoke english so i HAD to learn. i have a duaghter from him (Sophia) mi chicanita.. and Alhamdulilah i have no contact with him because he tried to kill me (i have scars to prove it.. one running along side my jugular vein Alhamdulilah he missed it by a hair.. and one along side the whole length of my jawbone)that is what led me to islam.. i was spared, and my Sophita was safe.
4.) Even though i am a chubby mama.. i dont eat alot (once a day and yogurt or fruit) and whatever i do i cant lose weight. Alhamdulilah my hubby loves me for being a chubby mama.. if only i can get him to stop mingling .. he is mostly innocent.. not tainted by this culture.. he thinks their just being nice.. and doesnt want to "hurt their feelings"(i only want to punch them) too bad i cant..
5.) I get bored easy and like to do different things depending on my mood..(cooking a new recipe, making a blanket, selling things on ebay, organizing everything,trying a new makeup look and an outfit that i havnt wore in a long time to surprise hubby at home,) this is why sometimes i dont blog.. i get too bored to type even if it is something i am dying to share..
6.) i am obsessed with cleaning.. and this might sound weird.. but i love to go shopping for cleaner. New things that smell good.. floor cleaner, tide with febreeze, multipurpose cleaner.. anything that makes the place smell fresh and clean.. and then after shopping for the stuff i get so excited because i cant wait to get home and use it!!I also love buying incense, and scented candles i guess you could say i am obsessed with smells..i hate for anything to smell stinky, stale, damp, moldy, or even garlic on the hands.. (if i smell like food.. or garlic.. onions etc.. i HAVE to shower while using all the smelly good stuff i have for the bathroom) I cant stand stinky breathe either.. and i will refuse to do anything with hubby (even sleeping next to) unless he smells good and fresh
7.) i am a tired person by nature. I think it may be a sin to like to sleep as much as i do.. i am NOT lazy.. i love working and running errands.. but when i have free time.. (and kids are napping) my absoloute favorite thing to do is sleep.. i love the feel of cool comforters on my skin, and the smell and feel of the pillows.. i also have to have certain textures ( i HATE new comforters.. i have to wash them first before i use them.. i hate the feeling of something starchy or stiff.. and worn in feels better to me) I hate anything polyester and those blankets that have hair like fuzzies that itch (not the ones like polar fleece.. the material like electirc blankets.. makes me feel all creepy..) I HAVE to sleep with a blanket even if it is 100 F inside or outside i dont like the feeling of not having protection of a blanket and ive always been that way..OH and ive tried everything to be active and energetic but sleep is my biggest comfort (not food)
8.) I dont like my son's name so much and i just feel it doesnt fit what he looks like.. but my husband chose it for him.. i was so sad that i couldnt name him the name i had been saving since i was 14 for my first son.. and i am hoping INSHALLAH that i have another boy (boys are easier, anyways) But if we have a girl her name will be the same as my husbands mother.. i kind of feel duped because i always thought it would be an agreement thing but according to him if he doesnt like it then i cant use it and i think that is totally unfair.. i almost put a different name in the paper they gave me in the hospital because i so desperately wanted his name to be something else.. i know that sounds so stupid and small.. but the name Yousef feels so strange in my mouth and when i say it and look at him i think YOUR NOT A YOUSEF!!! YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE A YOUSEF.. I dont think the name is bad i just dont like Y names.. i think it is wonderful.. but i just dont like it for him.. maybe if he looked like his dad then it would be different but it is just so strange.. and it has nothing to do with the fact that it is an arab name.. because if we would have named him Hamza (which WE planned on doing until he changed his mind, and I picked it out) i know it is just a name.. and its a good name.. but i still cant get over it and he's 4 mths.. i think i will just call him by a nickname forever!!!!
9.) i dont like to be too fashinable while going out i think it defeats the whole purpose of hijab, and i think if you care more about what is fashinable than modest than that just isnt right.. i mean YEAH its in our nature to be fashinable and womanly to a certain extent but that doesnt mean going overboard is okay.. and besides it is also in our nature to have a soft tone to our voice but unless we are talking with our husbands or other mahram people we are supposed to keep our voice from sounding soft and feminine and attracting attention.. and that is just my opinion on the matter
10.) i reverted for myself and before i married. not for my husband.I love studying Islam and i always feel i can never know enough
I TAG: SARA AKA "Muslimah Flower" and YASEMIN AKA thelongjourneybackhome
hope they see i tagged them.. maybe i'll send a note..
10 things about me
1.) I love talking on the phone with my husband at all hours, and i never run out of things to talk about. Sometimes he is annoyed by this but most of the time its okay. Oh and i hate answering the phone when anyone else calls.. i have to be in the "mood" to carry on a conversation and i am very bad about returning phone calls.and i love his accent.. i could listen to him talk for hours.. in arabic or english.. doesnt matter..
2.) I dont have many friends because i cant stand drama.. and even though i know its bad i am picky with who i befriend. I have 2 good friends and the rest i consider aquaintances. Usually i only talk to these people in the masjid.My best friend Mirvit is a yr older than me, has 3 kids, and is from south of egypt. though she is a "villager" she is Mashallah sweetest woman i have ever met and i love her like she is my blood sister (maybe even more)
3.) I am almost fluent in spanish. I learned a little in school ( and 3 yrs is not) then i had a 2 yr relationship (before islam) with a mexican who knew almost no english and no one in the house spoke english so i HAD to learn. i have a duaghter from him (Sophia) mi chicanita.. and Alhamdulilah i have no contact with him because he tried to kill me (i have scars to prove it.. one running along side my jugular vein Alhamdulilah he missed it by a hair.. and one along side the whole length of my jawbone)that is what led me to islam.. i was spared, and my Sophita was safe.
4.) Even though i am a chubby mama.. i dont eat alot (once a day and yogurt or fruit) and whatever i do i cant lose weight. Alhamdulilah my hubby loves me for being a chubby mama.. if only i can get him to stop mingling .. he is mostly innocent.. not tainted by this culture.. he thinks their just being nice.. and doesnt want to "hurt their feelings"(i only want to punch them) too bad i cant..
5.) I get bored easy and like to do different things depending on my mood..(cooking a new recipe, making a blanket, selling things on ebay, organizing everything,trying a new makeup look and an outfit that i havnt wore in a long time to surprise hubby at home,) this is why sometimes i dont blog.. i get too bored to type even if it is something i am dying to share..
6.) i am obsessed with cleaning.. and this might sound weird.. but i love to go shopping for cleaner. New things that smell good.. floor cleaner, tide with febreeze, multipurpose cleaner.. anything that makes the place smell fresh and clean.. and then after shopping for the stuff i get so excited because i cant wait to get home and use it!!I also love buying incense, and scented candles i guess you could say i am obsessed with smells..i hate for anything to smell stinky, stale, damp, moldy, or even garlic on the hands.. (if i smell like food.. or garlic.. onions etc.. i HAVE to shower while using all the smelly good stuff i have for the bathroom) I cant stand stinky breathe either.. and i will refuse to do anything with hubby (even sleeping next to) unless he smells good and fresh
7.) i am a tired person by nature. I think it may be a sin to like to sleep as much as i do.. i am NOT lazy.. i love working and running errands.. but when i have free time.. (and kids are napping) my absoloute favorite thing to do is sleep.. i love the feel of cool comforters on my skin, and the smell and feel of the pillows.. i also have to have certain textures ( i HATE new comforters.. i have to wash them first before i use them.. i hate the feeling of something starchy or stiff.. and worn in feels better to me) I hate anything polyester and those blankets that have hair like fuzzies that itch (not the ones like polar fleece.. the material like electirc blankets.. makes me feel all creepy..) I HAVE to sleep with a blanket even if it is 100 F inside or outside i dont like the feeling of not having protection of a blanket and ive always been that way..OH and ive tried everything to be active and energetic but sleep is my biggest comfort (not food)
8.) I dont like my son's name so much and i just feel it doesnt fit what he looks like.. but my husband chose it for him.. i was so sad that i couldnt name him the name i had been saving since i was 14 for my first son.. and i am hoping INSHALLAH that i have another boy (boys are easier, anyways) But if we have a girl her name will be the same as my husbands mother.. i kind of feel duped because i always thought it would be an agreement thing but according to him if he doesnt like it then i cant use it and i think that is totally unfair.. i almost put a different name in the paper they gave me in the hospital because i so desperately wanted his name to be something else.. i know that sounds so stupid and small.. but the name Yousef feels so strange in my mouth and when i say it and look at him i think YOUR NOT A YOUSEF!!! YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE A YOUSEF.. I dont think the name is bad i just dont like Y names.. i think it is wonderful.. but i just dont like it for him.. maybe if he looked like his dad then it would be different but it is just so strange.. and it has nothing to do with the fact that it is an arab name.. because if we would have named him Hamza (which WE planned on doing until he changed his mind, and I picked it out) i know it is just a name.. and its a good name.. but i still cant get over it and he's 4 mths.. i think i will just call him by a nickname forever!!!!
9.) i dont like to be too fashinable while going out i think it defeats the whole purpose of hijab, and i think if you care more about what is fashinable than modest than that just isnt right.. i mean YEAH its in our nature to be fashinable and womanly to a certain extent but that doesnt mean going overboard is okay.. and besides it is also in our nature to have a soft tone to our voice but unless we are talking with our husbands or other mahram people we are supposed to keep our voice from sounding soft and feminine and attracting attention.. and that is just my opinion on the matter
10.) i reverted for myself and before i married. not for my husband.I love studying Islam and i always feel i can never know enough
I TAG: SARA AKA "Muslimah Flower" and YASEMIN AKA thelongjourneybackhome
hope they see i tagged them.. maybe i'll send a note..
6.22.2009
Fashion? I Dont Really Care..
So i see my post got your eye, huh? Well let me explain. Other than being in the home i have no reason, nor desire to attract attention. My husband buys me the best of everything when he can, and takes me shopping at such stores like Macy's, Saks, and the like.. but i refuse to let him spend his hard earned money on material things like clothes when i can find almost the exact same thing at an outlet store, target, or wherever else they have sales.. besides i have 2 kids.. Every now and then i will let him buy me something expensive (at least to me) and he gets so excited, that i will actually let him spoil me.. and he tells me he cant wait to see it on me at home..
I'd rather the money be spent on things for the house like candles,incense, cleaners ( Yes i love cleaning and making the house smell good),new things for my daughters room (comforters, sheets etc.)
I get happiness from life's simple pleasures. But i can say that if there was/were particular thing/things that i loved.. it would be good perfume (that i only wear in the house for my hubby.. *not with company and not outside) makeup, and lingerie. (yeah didnt you know your supposed to "dress up" for your hubby) besides if you don't maybe he will seek to look outside ( i dont mean cheating silly i mean LOOKING)
used to have problems in that area.. but since dressing nice for hubby EVERY night, putting on perfume, and makeup i havtn noticed him "LOOKING"..
Yeah there are times i see certain things that are in fashion such as this seasons maxi dress and i think wow, how cute i want that.. BUT they HAVE ALWAYS been out every spring/summer.. and i ALWAYS buy them because you can buy them 1 size bigger for a looses flowy fit, and put a loose cardigan over top and voila perfect outfit for those hot days.. and actually that is what i wore last March for my wedding.. a nice maxi dress, dressy cardigan, and sandals.. and i didnt hear people raving about it then. so fashions come and go.. and sometimes i become interested.. but i dont try and take something like skinny jeans and "hijabify them" but i guess that may beacuse i am a thicky thick girl.. and i want to cover up my curves.. not show them off.. hard to do when you got a bum, and legs like me (frowns a little)
Oh Well Alhamdulilah.. My hubby loves me just then way i am.. and really thats the only thing that matters!!!
I'd rather the money be spent on things for the house like candles,incense, cleaners ( Yes i love cleaning and making the house smell good),new things for my daughters room (comforters, sheets etc.)
I get happiness from life's simple pleasures. But i can say that if there was/were particular thing/things that i loved.. it would be good perfume (that i only wear in the house for my hubby.. *not with company and not outside) makeup, and lingerie. (yeah didnt you know your supposed to "dress up" for your hubby) besides if you don't maybe he will seek to look outside ( i dont mean cheating silly i mean LOOKING)
used to have problems in that area.. but since dressing nice for hubby EVERY night, putting on perfume, and makeup i havtn noticed him "LOOKING"..
Yeah there are times i see certain things that are in fashion such as this seasons maxi dress and i think wow, how cute i want that.. BUT they HAVE ALWAYS been out every spring/summer.. and i ALWAYS buy them because you can buy them 1 size bigger for a looses flowy fit, and put a loose cardigan over top and voila perfect outfit for those hot days.. and actually that is what i wore last March for my wedding.. a nice maxi dress, dressy cardigan, and sandals.. and i didnt hear people raving about it then. so fashions come and go.. and sometimes i become interested.. but i dont try and take something like skinny jeans and "hijabify them" but i guess that may beacuse i am a thicky thick girl.. and i want to cover up my curves.. not show them off.. hard to do when you got a bum, and legs like me (frowns a little)
Oh Well Alhamdulilah.. My hubby loves me just then way i am.. and really thats the only thing that matters!!!
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