My Father: How i Love Him

Assalamu alaikum all. This is somewhat hard for me to talk about.. But the good news has finally made me want to drag it out. My father after 20 yrs has stopped drinking. Can i get ALLAHU AKABAR!! Anyways its a long story one in which i couldnt post in just this post alone but it will come in pieces.

Like many americans i had a tough childhood. being tossed from family member to family member, childrens homes (in Ohio and Kentucky) teen shelters for run aways, and 1 foster home. All due to the fact that my parents became addicted to one substance or another.

It all started when my dad was 18, he joined the Navy, and due to being overseas stuck on a boat without seeing family for months at a time he started drinking and using narcotics. He had his nose operated on because of the "coke" and now has plastic and can push his nose to either side. (Quite entertaining when we were kids, as we tried to do like him but our noses just wouldnt do it.. he said he had no bones in his nose and we didnt know til much later why)

He got a less than honorable discharge after refusing treatment at 21 (with only4 more mths to go til he served his 4 yrs) He was engaged to a woman who died in a car accident all because of a drunk driver. But that made him drink more.

Fast forward to a party in Ohio at the University my father was attending for drafting, he met my mom, a then size 5 petite woman who had never drank, or smoked in her life (who also had a hard life as a farm girl her father *was also an alcoholic and her mother used to beat her every night)

They married December 14th 1983 and had me March 10th of 85'. From what i know they were in love and i dont remember them fighting until i was 9 or 10. But it was always over money. My dad would get high in front of us and i knew what a "roach" was when i was 6 or 7. When DARE came to our school i would get scared and angry. Scared because i thought they would find out my dad smoked, and angry because the officers would say how it was so bad and it was a drug to lead to others. I didnt understand all of this but one day when my dad went in the bathroom to smoke i screamed outside the door i was going to call DARE because what he was doing was bad. he just laughed at me.

I do remember the good parts. How he worked 12+ hrs everday of the week. How he came home tired and hugged and kissed us. How when our car broke down, and the schools closed because of the huge blizzard that left knee deep snow outside.. yet he saw my lips were chapped and put on his *Carhart suite boots, gloves, and hat.. and walked the 2 miles in the blizzard to get me some chapstick. My dad never beat us, or yelled at us. He never called his names. He was a "nice alcoholic". It didnt mattered that he drank.. i still loved him so much.

He used to bring us candy home sometimes, and i was so grateful for all the things he did. When i had bad dreams he would come to my room and put me downstairs on the couch with a blanket while he wacthed t.v all the while he would sit beside me until i fell asleep again and pick me up and tote me back to my room.

My mother (for another post) was not affectionate. I think she had us as a "favor" to my father. I remember only once or twice she hugged or kissed us.. and it was when she was drunk or high and she would cry and tell us she was going to stop. I didnt like her. She never sacrificed anything for us. Her "boyfriends" were more important. I remember when my dad left how mad i was. My mother would leave us by ourselves for days without food. The water got shut off, and the lights. We would sit in the dark.. Me and my sisters. I had to play mommy. Only it wasnt make believe it was real. I would walk to my grandpas house carrying "Fisha" (then 1.5 yrs) and paula barely 3 who had to walk.. it was 3 miles ( i am not joking) i couldnt leave them alone.. and we needed money for food.

I remember my grandpa giving us money and us walking to the store to get bread, and bologna, and a 1/2 gal of milk. I knew we couldnt buy candy.. but sometimes let my sisters get a couple pieces of .10 candy because they would look at it with big eyes and i felt bad. The food would last a a couple of days and i felt happy for that.. but i forgot the milk would go bad because our fridge didnt work ( i didnt realize because the electricity didnt work that our fridge too would keep the milk cold.. as soon as i opened it i smelled something rotten.. and there was no coldness.. i realized we had to drink the milk that day as not to waste it and next time i bought iced tea (knowing it wouldnt go bad after a day or so)

Well anyways thats another story and like i said i cant go over all of it..

But my dad has stopped drinking due to all of his health problems. He has lost so much weight, and at 47 looks closer to 60. But i can tell he is sober. Has been for almost 2 mths now. I hope he wont go back. He has quite before only to go back. This time if he drinks again there is no way his kidneys, and liver will hold out. He will definetly die. The Dr.s gave him a few mths before he quit. We had a long talk. and after just a few days he told me he stopped drinking. I didnt believe him. Until i saw him a few weeks later. I saw him sober. and he looks so old, and tired. Sickly, but he says he is happy. For the first time in his life he feels he has control.

I have been through so much. I have never been able to hold a grudge, or stop talking to my parents. All they put us through and i am the only one that has no hard feelings. My stupid heart wont let me hold anything but love and excuses for them. I think this is why i have always tolerated so much from everyone else. I feel love for people whom i shouldnt, and i want to help people.

Alhamdulilah for everything. For the good and bad. For the hard times and easy ones. For poverty, and having what i need. For times i didnt think i would get through and i made it.
Yes! I made it. I just hope Inshallah.. I will have the faith, courage, and love to get me through the rest of my life.. that is.. until it is my time

Alhamdulilah