So i was really scared..

Tired of venting, tired of life. Back and forth.. make a decision, and then back to square 1.. Alhamdulilah.. I may be a huge screw up but i know it's because i have a half way decent heart and i can't stand to know people are unhappy (even if i am happy).. so back to drawing board??

No fights.. yep! Not for a long time now.. i think i have made it past the 4 year bump.. InshAllah..
praying  i don't have to go back to yo-yoing... i truly hate that!

I worked really hard to lose weight and you know, it worked.. BUT then i got pregnant AFTER i miscarried yet again. you know if you ever had a miscarriage.. you begin to wonder if you can have kids. i mean it is a huge test.. you start to get further along.. 12 weeks safe from "danger" or so they say and then so much pain, more than you ever had in your life.. and then blood.. a massive amount and coping is REALLY hard.. SubhanAllah..

I remember getting into a huge dark place.. and i didn't wan to come out.. it was very hard to let go. and i was grateful none the less but i could not stop mourning.. Alhamdulilah! Now i am blessed and only Allah SWT knows why i had to go through 2 to get to this one.. i am nearly 17 weeks and still can' believe it.. nothing too crazy i just couldn't just open up and tell the world.. i lost not 1, but 2.. in 6 mths..

it took me nearly this long to just "let it go".. and when i found out i was pregnant yet again for the 3rd time in 6 mths i freaked.. i got so scared and made dua3 constantly.. i was afraid for my health, for the baby, and thinking i can NOT handle another .. better to not even know i was pregnant in the first place.. but 2 weeks turned into 3 and hubby asked me to take a test.. and i told him i was afraid too.. and we just looked at each other and cried.. i let it go... and he did too.. i never thought about how he was affected by all of it.. he just hid it better than i did.. Alhamdulilah.. i am grateful for all i have and taking it  one day at a time inshAllah.. 

So Grateful!!

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ (١)
ٱلۡحَمۡدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلۡعَـٰلَمِينَ (٢) ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ (٣) مَـٰلِكِ يَوۡمِ ٱلدِّينِ (٤) إِيَّاكَ نَعۡبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسۡتَعِينُ (٥) ٱهۡدِنَا ٱلصِّرَٲطَ ٱلۡمُسۡتَقِيمَ (٦) صِرَٲطَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَيۡهِمۡ غَيۡرِ ٱلۡمَغۡضُوبِ عَلَيۡهِمۡ وَلَا ٱلضَّآلِّينَ (٧)

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
قُلۡ هُوَ ٱللَّهُ أَحَدٌ (١) ٱللَّهُ ٱلصَّمَدُ (٢) لَمۡ يَلِدۡ وَلَمۡ يُولَدۡ (٣) وَلَمۡ يَكُن لَّهُ ۥ ڪُفُوًا أَحَدُۢ (٤)

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
قُلۡ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ ٱلۡفَلَقِ (١) مِن شَرِّ مَا خَلَقَ (٢) وَمِن شَرِّ غَاسِقٍ إِذَا وَقَبَ (٣) وَمِن شَرِّ ٱلنَّفَّـٰثَـٰتِ فِى ٱلۡعُقَدِ (٤) وَمِن شَرِّ حَاسِدٍ إِذَا حَسَدَ (٥)

سۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ
قُلۡ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ ٱلنَّاسِ (١) مَلِكِ ٱلنَّاسِ (٢) إِلَـٰهِ ٱلنَّاسِ (٣) مِن شَرِّ ٱلۡوَسۡوَاسِ ٱلۡخَنَّاسِ (٤) ٱلَّذِى يُوَسۡوِسُ فِى صُدُورِ ٱلنَّاسِ (٥) مِنَ ٱلۡجِنَّةِ وَٱلنَّاسِ (٦)

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My son Yousef who is now almost 9 mths if finally on the move ALHAMDULILAH!

We have been waiting so patiently for so long, and had been worried that there was something wrong with him.. He is finally crawling, can move side to side, rolls over and all in a matter of a 2 weeks.. Subhanna Rabial Atheem!

He moved a total of 4 crawling steps forward in his crib (he was doing okay side to side and rolling) Hubby came home at 4am, we talked for a couple of hours about life, family ,and islam.. then we prayed Sobkha wa Fajr afterwards went to the room because we heard noise.. (Yousef fussing) Hubby got him out of bed and put him in our bed (which was nicely made i might add) while hubby and i sat at end waiting for him to do something.. i told him Yousef had been attempting to crawl forward.. hubby gets out the keys which have a string like necklace thingy ( i dont know what its called) and started to drag them down the length of the bed and Yousef just kept crawling forward.. Alhamdulilah.. whats more we put him in the [carpeted] floor and he kept crawling, trying so hard to go even farther and farther.. his legs dragging a bit to catch up with his eager body.. it was so cute MashaAllah

and whats more is we got to share the special moment together.. i am just so ecstatic.. it is so wonderful.. in no time InshaAllah he will be walking.. he won't be a year til March 25th so InshaAllah he has time

any of you have cute crawling, jumping, walking stories? or maybe something you want to share about your babies? i want to hear!!

I love baby stories!!