Hoping it isn't what I think- my periods have been messed up since I had the twins flucuating between 26-30 days.. but according to the app I use I am on average 29 days.. ??? I don't feel crampy just extremely tired, weak, lower back pain, muscle cramps in legs.. no vomiting or feeling the need to vomit- no sensitive smell but strong need to urinate many more times than I usually do-
I hope this is my brain playing tricks on me- and maybe subconsciously I am just afraid and therefore my fears causing "symptoms"- yeah it has got to be.. I refuse to take a test because I have had many negative tests, while pregnant I won't really know until I miss my period by 4+ days.. still waiting but I don't feel like my period will be here.. and I don't want to feel pregnant but I am constantly feeling tired lately.. and I totally forgot the heartburn.. to be honest it's not that I am really afraid to get pregnant but the on again/off again feelings have been there 5+ years and if I have learned anything pregnancy hormones make me more apt to fight with my room mate (actually my husband but I don't feel married) I can't just not talk about things- it bugs me to no end..
I have developed emotional problems due to holding everything in.. I can't hold it in and hubby doesn't want to talk ever about anything.. which is part of why I don't feel like I am married- he's back on midnights because he prefers to sleep when everyone else is awake so he can be awake while everyone is asleep- yes makes perfect sense to people who like privacy, and not to be around their immediate family.. back to THAT schedule again- of being ignored, sleeping alone, not feeling like I have a spouse at all except for the times he needs me.. I just don't understand why marriage must feel like a prison sentence of opression and suffering- if my non molsem family members could hear that.. they would assume it was a "moslem thing"..
so yeah if things were good, I had a great relationship with hubby I wouldn't mind having 3-4 more kids on top of the 5 I already have.. as I have always wanted a big family but the thought of having another child with all these conflicting emotions is senseless- Im so stupid!!
I hope this is my brain playing tricks on me- and maybe subconsciously I am just afraid and therefore my fears causing "symptoms"- yeah it has got to be.. I refuse to take a test because I have had many negative tests, while pregnant I won't really know until I miss my period by 4+ days.. still waiting but I don't feel like my period will be here.. and I don't want to feel pregnant but I am constantly feeling tired lately.. and I totally forgot the heartburn.. to be honest it's not that I am really afraid to get pregnant but the on again/off again feelings have been there 5+ years and if I have learned anything pregnancy hormones make me more apt to fight with my room mate (actually my husband but I don't feel married) I can't just not talk about things- it bugs me to no end..
I have developed emotional problems due to holding everything in.. I can't hold it in and hubby doesn't want to talk ever about anything.. which is part of why I don't feel like I am married- he's back on midnights because he prefers to sleep when everyone else is awake so he can be awake while everyone is asleep- yes makes perfect sense to people who like privacy, and not to be around their immediate family.. back to THAT schedule again- of being ignored, sleeping alone, not feeling like I have a spouse at all except for the times he needs me.. I just don't understand why marriage must feel like a prison sentence of opression and suffering- if my non molsem family members could hear that.. they would assume it was a "moslem thing"..
so yeah if things were good, I had a great relationship with hubby I wouldn't mind having 3-4 more kids on top of the 5 I already have.. as I have always wanted a big family but the thought of having another child with all these conflicting emotions is senseless- Im so stupid!!
