* Please people dont be weird about this stuff.. WE ALL know sex is allowed only within marriage so dont go twisting my words to start an uproar.. because i wont respond.. if you want to be rude go somewhere else.. because i dont like drama!!
I needed to get that out of the way.. so let me procede
Just thought i would put the info out there as some people may wonder.
WARNING THIS MAT NOT BE FOR THE SQUEAMISH OR THOSE WHO AVOID ALL INFO ON SEX
Most of all fatwas were found on fatwaonline.net or islamonline.net
Supplication Before Sexual Intercourse
Bismillaah. Allaahumma jannibnash-shaytaana wa jannibish-shaytaana maa razaqtanaa.
'In the name of Allaah. O Allaah, keep the devil away from us and keep the devil away from what you have blessed us with.’
[Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]
WARNING IT IS ABOUT TO GET GRAPHIC
Fatwas - Marital Relations
Question:
Is the usage of sex toys (i.e. replicas of men's & women's genitalia, etc.) between a man and his wife considered to be permissible? [1]
Answer:
The woman has no need for such a plastic device, so long as she has her husband with her, and I really do not understand exactly how such a thing would be "used" between spouses!
Anyway, it is not permissible for anyone to engage in sexual activity in other than the ways allowed in the Sharee'ah. Since it is not permissible for either of the two spouses to reach an orgasm using their own hand, so then how could such devices be permissible?!
The principle to be applied here is what is found in Allaah's Statement [2]:
" And those who guard their chastity well, except with their wives and their right hands' possessions (slaves), there is no blame upon them. And whoever seeks beyond that, then they are the transgressors. "
************************************************************************
Question:
There are some women who are overcome (with the urge) to talk about goings on at home and their (private) life with their husbands to their relatives and friends. Some of this talk is about private matters which the husband would not want anyone to know about. So what is the ruling regarding the women who reveal private matters outside of the home or to some of those within the home?
Answer:
That which some women do in talking about goings on at home and married life to their relatives and friends is haraam, and it is not permissible for a woman to reveal private matters of her home or how things are with her husband to anyone! Allaah said:
Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc. [Surah an-Nisaa (4): verse 34].
And the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"The worst of the people in (the Sight of) Allaah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who discloses (secrets) to his wife and she discloses (secrets) to him and then he reveals her secrets (to others)"
[Transmitted by Muslim - Volume 2, Number 1020, Abu Daawood - Number 4870; with the chain: ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn Sa’d on the authority of Sa’eed al-Khudree].
************************************************************************
Question:
Is it obligatory for the married couple to take a ghusl (ritual bath) after sexual intercourse, even if ejaculation did not occur?
Answer:
Yes. It is obligatory for them both to take a ghusl, even if ejaculation occurred or not. This is according to the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (radiyallaahu anhu) that the Prophet (salallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"If he (the husband) sits amidst her (the wife) four parts, then had intercourse with her, then ghusl becomes obligatory." - The authenticity of this hadeeth is agreed upon by both Imaam al-Bukhari and Imaam Muslim.
And in Imaam Muslim's transmission it (additionally) states:
" and even if he did not ejaculate."
And this (narration) is clear in the obligation of ghusl even without ejaculation, and this is little known to many people, so that which is obligatory is to beware and take heed of this.
*************************************************************************
Question:
A man asked his wife to have anal intercourse with him. Is this acceptable behavior from the point of view of the religion?
Answer:
That is an evil act. Abu Daawood, an-Nasaa.ee and others record with a good chain that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam) said:
"Accursed is the one who has anal intercourse with his wife."
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen
Fataawa al-Mar’ah
fatwa-online.com
*******************************************************************************
Question:
I married the son of my maternal uncle, and I love him and he loves me. Only six months have passed since we got married, and everytime we go to sleep he grabs hold of me and begins sucking my breasts like a baby, so I said to him: "This is wrong!". However, he did not stop and I did not try to make it difficult for him.
Answer:
There is no harm in this, because it is for the married couple to enjoy themselves with each other in other than that which Allah has prohibited.
This includes sexual intercourse in (her) anus or sexual intercourse whilst she is on her menses or in the state of post partum bleeding or in an act of worship within which sexual intercourse is haraam, or when he has pronounced his wife haraam upon himself until he pays a kaffaarah, and similar to these from those known aspects according to the people of knowledge where sexual intercourse is haram and in it entails harm for the married couple.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen
Fataawa az-Zawaaj wa 'Ishratun-Nisaa. - Question 79, Page 109
fatwa-online.com
***********************************************************************
Does Masterbation Violate Virginity:
A Muslim is strongly exhorted to safeguard his/her chastity and this, of course, includes preserving one's virginity before marriage. In general, masturbation does not violate virginity. However, if practiced by a woman, it may result in losing her hymen, which could be of serious psychological and social consequences.
Answering this question, Dr. Hatem Al-Haj, Professor of Fiqh at Shari`ah Academy of America, said:
Yes, they are chaste, and the virgin is still a virgin. Masturbation is detestable unless one is about to fall into zina (unlawful sexual intercourse).
For a woman, there are two ways of reaching climax with masturbation: clitoral and vaginal. A virgin may not masturbate by introducing objects into the vagina, for that would result in obvious harm. Were she to have done so and the masturbation resulted in the loss of her hymen, she would need to inform any potential husband of that and let him choose for himself. Even if the loss of her hymen was not a result of sexual involvement with a partner and therefore she would still be considered a virgin, she should be up-front with him as a matter of honesty, in order to avoid any potential, future harm.
*********************************************************************************
Phone Sex Among Unmarried Persons:
Doing this act is a crime and leads to a grave heinous sin which is zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse). Pronouncing the words of marriage during your conversation does not authorize this act or mean that you have made a marriage contract with that man. Marriage is a solemn contract that has its own rules and conditions without which any other kind of intimate relation is considered invalid and illegal.
Islam blocks all the ways that lead to illegitimate sexual intercourse. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: 'The eyes commit zina, the hands commit zina and the feet commit zina and the genitals commit zina.' (Ahmad)
This is one of Satan’s traps, so repent to Almighty Allah sincerely and cut all your relations with this man. Almighty Allah says, (Do not even come close to Zina. It is a shameful deed and an evil way.) (Al-Israa’ 17: 32)
In his response to your question, Wael`Abdul-Mut`aal Shihab, a Shari`ah researcher at Al-Azhar University, stated,
First of all, phone sex and other forms of illicit relations between men and women are strictly prohibited in Islam. Those who involve themselves in such illegal practices should sincerely repent to Almighty Allah, stop all illicit relations, fear Allah's punishment, and return to the straight path before it is too late.
Just because a man calls a woman "his wife", whether on the phone or during a face-to-face conversation, it does not amount to a legal marriage. A legal marriage must fulfill the following requirements in order to be valid:
1. The marriage must be expressed in clear and unequivocal terms signifying the full consent of both male and female either in words or in writing.
2. It should be witnessed by two reliable Muslim witnesses.
3. It should also be publicized.
4. The wife’s guardian should give his consent.
5. A mahr should be paid to the bride.
************************************************************************************
Tahleel Marriage
In Islam, the family has been protected in many ways. An outstanding approach to safeguard the basic unit of the family, the husband-wife relationship, is the restrictions imposed by the Shari`ah on the husband so as not to hasten to dissolve this relation and break up the family because of a passing passion or insignificant disputes.
The Shari`ah has also given two chances for the reunion of the family. However, to regulate the matter and discipline the husband it has warned him against playing with the limits of Almighty Allah and misusing his right of divorce. Thus, the Shari`ah declared the third divorce as the final one after which the husband cannot take back his wife unless she marries another man and gets divorced.
However, this process has to go naturally without any previous agreement to circumvent Shari`ah regulations. Actions are determined by intentions, not by the formal procedures that may deceive people but can never deceive the Lord of the people.
Responding to the question, Sheikh M.S. al Munajjid, prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author, said:
If a man divorces his wife for the third time, she is not permissible for him to marry until she has married another man, because Almighty Allah says: (And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband)(Al-Baqarah 2: 230).
It is stipulated that this marriage, which will make her permissible for her first husband, should be a valid marriage. Temporary marriage (mut`ahmarriage) or marriage for the purpose of making her permissible for her first husband then divorcing her (tahleelmarriage) are both haramand invalid according to the vast majority of scholars. Moreover, this form of marriage does not make the woman permissible for her first husband.
There are sahih hadiths from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) which show that tahleelmarriage is haram.
Abu Dawud narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah has cursed the muhalliland the muhallallahu".
The muhallilis the one who marries a woman and divorces her so that she can return to her first husband, and the muhallallahuis the first husband.
IbnMajah narrated from `Uqbah ibn `Aamir that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of a borrowed billy-goat?” They said, Yes, O Messenger of Allah. He said, “He is al-muhallil. May Allah curse al-muhalliland al-muhallal lahu.”
`Abd al-Razzaq narrated that `Umar ibn al-Khattab said while addressing the people: “By Allah, no muhallilor muhallallahuwill be brought to me but I will stone them.”
This applies whether he states his intention clearly when doing the marriage contract and they stipulate that when he has made her permissible for her first husband he will divorce her, or they do not stipulate that and he only intends it to himself.
Al-Hakim narrated from Nafi` that a man said to Ibn `Umar: I married a woman and made her permissible for her first husband, and he did not tell me to do that and he did not know. He said: Any marriage should be based on genuine desire; if you like her then keep her, and if you do not like her then leave her. He said: At the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) we would regard that as zina(illegitimate sexual intercourse). And, he said: They will still be adulterers, even if they remain for twenty years.
Imam Ahmad was asked about a man who married a woman intending thereby in his heart to make her permissible for her first husband, but the woman did not know about that. He said: He is a muhallil, and if he intends thereby to make her permissible for her first husband, then he is cursed.
Based on that, it is not permissible for you to marry this woman if by doing so you intend to make her permissible for her first husband. Doing so is a major sin, and the marriage will not be valid, rather it is zina– Allah forbid.
***********************************************************************
Intercourse During Menstration
Having sexual intercourse with one's menstruating wife is a grave sin and disobedience for Almighty Allah prohibited this. Thus, you have to repent sincerely and ask for Allah's forgiveness, and it is also recommended that you pay the worth of a dinar or half a dinar of gold as expiation. A dinar is equal to 4.25 grams.
In his response to your question, Dr. Hatemal-Haj, associate professor of Fiqh at Shari`ah Academy of America and Islamic University of Minnesota, states:
During her menses you may have all forms of sex with your wife except intercourse, for Almighty Allah says,
( They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: it is harm: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean.) (Al-Baqarah 2: 222)
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained what is meant by ‘keeping away from women’, by saying, "Do everything except for intercourse." (Muslim) This is allowed because both the woman and the man still need to be emotionally nurtured during those days.
Islam provides the path of moderation regarding this issue, by protecting the well-being of both parties, as it is known that intercourse at this time would be unhealthy. At the same time, Islam recognized their need of the husband and wife to continue their affectionate relationship. It also emphasizes that the woman is not spiritually unclean.
Having intercourse with a menstruating woman is an enormity. However, if you do this, you must repent, and the doors of repentance are always open. The need to expiate is a controversial matter, but I believe it is mandatory to give the value of a dinar or half a dinar of gold in charity.
Level Of Intimacy With Menstrating Wife
In Islam we are not allowed to engage in sexual intercourse with our wives during their monthly periods. Allah says in the Qur’an, “They ask you about menstruation; say, it is ‘a kind of hurt’; so abstain from sexual intercourse with them until (their period expires and) they have purified themselves.” (Al-Baqarah: 222). This interdict from Allah applies only to sexual intercourse; this has been clearly established in the authentic Sunnah as reported in the well-attested traditions from the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was once asked by one of his companions, what was permissible for a husband in terms of conjugal relations with his wife during her period. His reply was, “Do everything except sexual intercourse.” In other words, couples are allowed to enjoy companionship including intimate relations so long as they stay away from sexual intercourse. Therefore, all forms of legitimate sexual satisfactions other than intercourse are considered permissible. `A'ishah, the beloved wife of the Prophet, and the mother of the faithful, said, “The Prophet used to cohabit with me while I was menstruating; he would abstain only from sexual intercourse.”"
Elaborating on the question of whether prohibition applies to the area between the navel and knees or not, Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer and author, states:
"The correct view is that the man may be intimate with his wife when she is menstruating in all ways apart from intercourse (based on the evidence in the above Fatwa).
Many of the scholars were of the view that it is haram for a man to be intimate with his wife during her menses with regard to the area between the navel and the knees, and they quoted evidence for that, but this view has some flaws. There is a Hadith to the effect that the husband is allowed to enjoy his menstruating wife regarding the area above the waist. Abu Dawud narrated from Haram ibn Hakim that his paternal uncle asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), “What is permissible for me to do with my wife when she is menstruating?” He said, “Whatever is above the waist.”
According to several scholars, the Hadith is regarded as weak or not authentic. Even if the Hadith is authentic, it does not constitute evidence that this is not permissible to engage in intimacy between the navel and the knees because of the following:
1. The hadith means that it is desirable to avoid the area, not that it is obligatory to do so.
2. It may be interpreted as applying to the one who is not able to control himself, because if he is allowed to be intimate with the area between the thighs, for example, he may not be able to control himself and may have intercourse in the vagina, so he would be doing something haram, either because he is lacking in religious commitment, or because his desire is too strong. So the Hadiths that indicate that it is permissible apply to the one who can control himself, and the Hadith that indicates that it is not allowed apply to the one who fears that he may fall into haram."
***************************************************************************
Women Looking At Men
As Islam always seeks to preserve the modesty of its followers in order to create a society where chastity, decency and pure-heartedness prevail, it has blocked all means that may lead to evil thoughts or corrupt behavior. A mere desirous look from a member of one sex to a member of the other may cause vile consequences.
Therefore, Allah the Almighty explicitly enjoined both the believing men and the believing women, saying: (Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts; that is purer for them; surely Allah is all-aware of what they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their private parts… )(An-Nur 24: 30-31)
However, as there are situations where it is nearly unavoidable for both men and women to look at one another, such as while walking in the street or while dealing with one another in buying and selling, it is permissible if they have quick and spontaneous visual interaction.
Responding to the question, Sheikh Muhammad ibn Salih ibn ‘Uthaymeen, a prominent Jurist, states:
When women look at men, whether this is on TV or otherwise, we have two possible cases:
1 – Looking with desire and enjoyment; and this is definitely haram because of the evil and fitnah (temptation) involved.
2 – Simply and spontaneously looking with no desire or enjoyment; in which case there is nothing wrong according to the correct scholarly view. This is permissible because it was proven that `A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) watched the Ethiopians when they were playing in the mosque, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was screening her from them, and he approved of her doing that.
Furthermore, women while wearing hijab walk in the markets and look at men. Thus, a woman may look at a man even when he does not look at her, on the condition that there is no feeling of desire or fitnah (temptation). If there is any feeling of desire or fitnah (temptation), then it is haram to look, whether the man is on TV or otherwise.
*************************************************************************
Match Making Sites
The Internet has become a huge medium for interaction between people all over the world. However, it involves quite a lot of hazards including untrustworthiness, for one cannot be sure of the identity or honesty of the person with whom he is interacting.
For many reasons great numbers of men and women surf the Internet looking for a life partner. This is increasing and is taking the place of the traditional way of choosing a spouse.
However, any interaction between men and women in Islam has to abide by the Islamic regulations and limits that secure decency, modesty, and chastity. Therefore, using such sites needs to be arranged under the supervision of a trustworthy committee, with some pious and honest monitors and they should conduct this matter in secrecy. Information about the man and woman should be dealt with as confidential.
Islam has set guidelines for choosing a spouse laying heavy emphasis on religiousness and piety as standards for each party.
In his response to this question, Dr. Salah Al-Sawy, the Secretary General for the Assembly of Muslim Jurists in America (AMJA), said:
If correspondence takes place with a faithful and honest mediator that runs a match-making service between people seeking marriage in a context of chastity and Shari`ah regulations, then I hope it will be permissible, in sha’ Allah.
However, direct correspondence requires a lot of precautions, especially with young people, and if there is a need, there is no problem in this, as long as speech is normal and there is a third trusted party present who should have a copy of all the correspondence so as to clear away any excuse for temptation for privacy, even if it is only private talk.
******************************************************************************
Abortion Due To Rape
In his response to the question, Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Director and Imam of Al-Falah Islamic Center, Oakville, Ontario, Canada, states:
I am not aware of the fatwa issued by the academy in this regard; therefore, I am not in a position to judge it or give comments on its details.
However, generally speaking, the discussion among scholars with regard to abortion before 120 days of gestation, is related to when the embryo becomes a human soul after the breath of life has been blown into it. Those who allow abortion before 120 days for severe medical complications and the like argue that since the breath of life has not been blown into the embryo, it is not considered a human being, and therefore, abortion would not be tantamount to killing.
Sheikh Muhammad `Ali Al-Hanooti, Mufti of Washington Metropolitan Area, adds:
Abortion is absolutely impermissible unless there is a necessity; irrespective of the age of the fetus, because if anyone causes damage to the pregnancy by causing a miscarriage or abortion, there will be a penalty called 'ghurrah', which is 1/10 of the full diyah (compensation) for accidental killing; this amount used to be equivalent to 100 camels. So, for killing a fetus, the compensation would be 10 camels.
Given the above, abortion is considered unlawful unless it is absolutely necessary.
Certainly, if the fetus is more than 119 days old, it is haram to abort it because the soul joins the body and becomes a human being. The soul means life and its departure causes death. When the fetus is 120 days, there should be a study to determine whether abortion is required on the basis of Shari`ah and medical consideration.
I consider rape cases to be an exceptional case if the fetus is in the early stages of development. Some schools of thought would only allow it if it is less than 6 weeks old. However, the hadith of Ibn Mas`ud saying the soul is implanted at 120 days provides stronger evidence that it is allowed up until 119 days.
We may also quote Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, the eminent Muslim scholar, saying in an old fatwa :
The basic principle concerning abortion is that it is unlawful (haram), as I h ave clarified in previous fatwas; it is not allowed from the moment of conception when it becomes a new being and is placed in a place of safety, i.e., the womb, even if this being is the result of an unlawful relationship such as adultery. In the case of the Ghamidi woman who had confessed to adultery and thus, the punishment of stoning became obligatory, the Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) told her to go away until after she had given birth; then after she had given birth, he told her to go away until the child was weaned.
The above is the trend I follow in my fatwas on this issue in normal cases. However, there are some jurists who think that it is permissible for a woman to have an abortion within the first forty days of pregnancy. Some of them even permit it until before the soul is breathed into the embryo.
Despite the above-mentioned view which I follow, there are some exceptional cases in which it is possible to adopt one of the latter views, and the stronger the excuse, the clearer the reason for the dispensation. If the abortion takes place within the first forty days, it means that the dispensation is more appropriate.
Undoubtedly, raping a Muslim woman by an evil enemy is a strong reason for the victim to have an abortion, for she will hate this fetus, the result of this iniquitous attack, and she will want to get rid of it. So, this dispensation is to be given because of necessity, especially in the first days of the pregnancy. However, this case of necessity should be determined by religious scholars, doctors and people of vast experience and wisdom. Otherwise, the original rule (of prohibition) should be applied.
Abortion From Islamic Perspective
While Islam permits preventing pregnancy for valid reasons, it does not allow doing violence to it once it occurs.
Muslim jurists have agreed unanimously that after the fetus is completely formed and has been given a soul, abortion is haram. It is also a crime, the commission of which is prohibited to the Muslim because it constitutes an offense against a complete, living human being. Jurists insist that the payment of blood money (diya) becomes incumbent if the baby is aborted alive and then died, while a fine of lesser amount is to be paid if it is aborted dead.
However, there is one exceptional situation. If, say the jurists, after the baby is completely formed, it is reliably shown that the continuation of the pregnancy would necessarily result in the death of the mother, then, in accordance with the general principle of the Shari`ah, that of choosing the lesser of two evils, abortion must be performed. The reason for this is that the mother is the origin of the fetus; moreover, her life is well-established, with duties and responsibilities, and she is also a pillar of the family. It would not be possible to sacrifice her life for the life of a fetus which has not yet acquired a personality and which has no responsibilities or obligations to fulfill.
Imam al-Ghazzali makes a clear distinction between contraception and abortion, saying that contraception is not like abortion. Abortion is a crime against an existing being. It follows from this that there are stages of existence. The first stages of existence are the settling of the semen in the womb and its mixing with the secretions of the woman. Then come the next gestational stage. Disturbing the pregnancy at this stage is a crime. When it develops further and becomes a lump, aborting it is a greater crime. When it acquires a soul and its creation is completed, the crime becomes more grievous. The crime reaches a maximum seriousness when it is committed after it (the fetus) is separated (from the mother) alive.”
Abortion HARAM In ALL Stages Unless Harm Will Come To The Mother
First of all, it is to be stated that Islam forbids abortion in all stages of pregnancy. When the pregnancy reaches 120 days old, abortion becomes totally forbidden and is deemed a form of murder that results in compensation becoming liable. If abortion is done prior to this period, no compensation is liable but one should ask forgiveness and promise never to commit it again. In addition, it is highly recommended to do much righteous deeds such as giving in charity, etc.
In response to the question in point, the European Council for Fatwa and Research, issued the following fatwa:
Indeed, abortion is forbidden in Islam whether it be in the earlier stages of pregnancy or otherwise. The extent of sin incurred varies according to the stage of pregnancy, so that less sin would be incurred if the abortion took place during the early stages, while it becomes increasingly haram (unlawful) as the pregnancy advances. When the pregnancy reaches 120 days old, abortion becomes totally forbidden and is deemed a form of murder that results in compensation becoming liable. This compensation is equal in value to 213 grams of gold, and it is given to the heir who did not participate in the abortion (i.e., brother/sister or grandparent(s), etc., according to the laws of inheritance).
However, the only condition under which abortion is allowed is when there is an actual threat to the life of the mother confirmed by an official medical report that if the pregnancy advances any further, the mother may die.
Given the above, since the abortion was done in the case in hand before the fetus was 120 days old, then no compensation is liable. However, it remains a sin, which one should ask forgiveness for and promise never to commit again. If the mother wishes to give in charity besides all this, then that is even better. Allah Almighty says in the Qur'an: (Verily, the good deeds omit the bad deeds… ) (Yunus 10: 114)
Abortion In Case Of Adultery
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states,
Although your sin is most heinous, I commend you for your feeling of remorse and your desire to repent and make amends to redeem yourself.
It is important for you to realize the enormity of the sin you have committed and sincerely repent and ask forgiveness of Allah and make amends for your sins by doing good deeds and avoiding such friends or companions or associations that may have led you to such a sin in the first place. Adultery, you should know, is a most heinous sin; Allah says, [Andthose who neither call upon another god with Allah nor commit illegal intercourse, for whoever does that will receive the penalty. For him or her will the torment be doubled on the Day of Resurrection, and therein will he or she abide forever, disgraced. Save him or her who repents and believes and does good works; those, Allah will turn their misdeeds into good works. And Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate.] (Al-Furqan 25: 68-70).
The last verse clearly shows that there is a way of hope for every sinner who sincerely repents and changes his or her life for the better.
If the person you had been involved with repents and changes, then you can marry him. It is best that you do so if he is willing. If he does not, then you should dissociate yourself completely from him.
Abortion is not an option for you; doing so is akin to murder, especially if it takes place after the expiry of 120 days of conception. So do not even entertain such a thought. Rather, face the trial you are in and ask forgiveness of Allah and get in touch with social services who may be able to provide you with counseling.
******************************************************************************
Forcing Wife To Have Sex
Intimate relationship between a husband and wife is something special and we are taught by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) that the husband should approach his wife in the most kind and affectionate way and to flirt with her before intercourse and never to deal with her harshly. If the wife refuses to have intimate relationship with her husband, she may have a good reason for that and the husband in this case should be more understanding about her conditions. Forcing the wife to make love is not an Islamic solution; rather, both spouses should have mutual understanding about this issue.
Responding to your question, the prominent Muslim scholar and da`iyah based in London Zienab Mostafa, states the following:
Intimate relations are based on mutual feelings between the husband and wife. We learn from the example of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) that he was the best to his wives, and he never forced them to satisfy his sexual desire. Rather, he criticized those who immediately jump into sexual intercourse without introductions that enhance the feelings between the husband and wife. Therefore, intimate relations are not just acts to seek sexual gratification; rather they should strengthen the relationship between the couple.
The wife’s refusal could be attributed to many reasons that the husband should be diligent enough to try and understand. Some of these reasons might be one of the following: her emotional state could be down, she might be expecting her monthly cycle which makes her irritated, she might not like the way her husband approaches her and she does not want to talk about it, and there could be other reasons as well. Therefore, the husband should take the initiative and try to figure out the reason behind his wife’s refusal. Open and gentle communication between the husband and wife is important and can help resolve this issue.
Of course if the husband insists on sleeping with his wife by force, it would not be considered rape since this is a right granted to him, but it is also not in accordance with Islamic teachings. Such an act contradicts the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the ethics of intercourse. Gentleness and kindness are among the manners of intimate relations in Islam.
*********************************************************************
Intimate Relations What Is Allowed
Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and fulfillment , and it may fulfill the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:
1. The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allah has decreed should be created in this world.
2. Expulsion of semen which may cause harm to the body if it is retained.
3. Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying sexual pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no bearing of offspring there, and no retention of that which needs to be relieved by ejaculation. The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health.
Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, enables self-control, enables one to keep away from prohibited things, and all this is also achieved for the woman. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and also benefits the woman likewise. Hence, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad and An-Nasa'i)."
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
Important Things to Be Considered When Having Intimate Relations:
1. Having the sincere intention of doing this only for the sake of Allah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself and one's wife from doing forbidden things, and to increase the number of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honor and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even when the people involved obtain immediate pleasure and enjoyment. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When any of you engages in sexual intercourse there is a reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, "O Messenger of Allah, when any of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a unlawful manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a lawful manner, he will be rewarded.” (Muslim).
2. Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness and kisses. Almighty Allah says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how you will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear Allah." (Al-Baqarah: 223) Most of the interpreters of the Qu’ran say that the phrase 'but do some good act for your souls beforehand' refers to the importance of foreplay in increasing interest and making the matter easier.
3. When a man has intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillah, Allahumma janniba ash-shaytan wa jannib ash-shaytan ma razqtana (In the name of Allah. O Allah! Keep us away from Satan and keep Satan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "If Allah decrees that they should have a child, Satan will never harm him.” (Al-Bukhari)
4. It is permissible for the husband to have intercourse with his wife in her vagina in whatever manner he wishes, i.e. from behind or from the front, but it is to be noted that it must be in her vagina, which is the place from which the child is born. Allah says: “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will.” (Al-Baqarah:223) Jabir ibn `Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Jews used to say that if a man had intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child would have a squint.” Then this verse was revealed: "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will” (Al-Baqarah: 223). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “From the front or from the back, as long as it is in the vagina.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).
5. It is not permissible for the husband, under any circumstances whatsoever, to have intercourse with his wife in her back passage. It is known that the place of ‘tilth’ is the vagina, which is the place from which one hopes a child will be born. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “He is cursed who has intercourse with women in their back passages.” Anal intercourse goes against the fitrah (natural inclinations of man) and is an action which is revolting to those having a sound human nature; it also causes the woman to miss out on her share of pleasure. The back passage is a place of filth and there are other reasons, which confirm the fact that this deed is forbidden.
6. If a man has intercourse with his wife and wants to repeat the act with her a second time, he should perform ablution, because the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “If any one of you has intercourse with his wife then wants to repeat it, let him perform ablution between the two (actions), for it is more energizing for the second time.” (Muslim). This is recommended, but not obligatory. If he is able to have ghusl (complete purifactory bath) between the two acts, this would be better, because of the hadith of Abu Rafi` who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) went around his wives one day and did ghusl in this one’s house and in that one’s house. He (Abu Rafi`) said: I said to him: "O Messenger of Allah, why do you not do one ghusl?" He said, “This is cleaner and better and purer.” (Abu Dawud and An-Nasa'i)
7. It is permissible for a person who has to make ghusl to sleep and delay the ghusl until before the time of prayer, but it is definitely recommended for him to perform ablution before sleeping, because of the hadith of `Umar, who said that he asked the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), Can any of us sleep when he is junub (in a state of sexual impurity)? The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Yes, but let him perform ablution if he wishes.” (Ibn Hibban).
8. It is forbidden to have intercourse with a woman when she is menstruating (having her period), because Allah says: “They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: that is a harm, therefore keep away from women during menses and go not unto them till they have purified (from menses and have taken a bath). And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has ordained for you (go in unto them in any manner as long as it is in the vagina). Truly, Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves (by taking a bath and cleaning and washing thoroughly their private parts, bodies, for their prayers, etc.).” (Al-Baqarah: 222). However, it is permissible for the husband to enjoy his menstruating wife without having intercourse, because of the hadeeth of `A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) who said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) would tell one of us, when she was menstruating, to wear a waist-wrapper, then her husband would lie with her.” (Agreed upon)
9. It is permissible for the husband to practice `azl (withdrawing the penis to ejaculate outside the vagina) if he does not want to have a child. By the same token it is permissible for him to use condoms, if his wife gives her permission, because she has the right to pleasure and to have children. The evidence for this is the hadith of Jabir ibn `Abd-Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said, “We used to do `azl at the time of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him). The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) heard about that, and he did not forbid us.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) It is better not to do that for several reasons, including the fact that it deprives the woman of pleasure or reduces the amount of pleasure for her, and it cancels out one of the purposes of marriage, which is to increase the number of offspring, as mentioned above.
10. It is forbidden for both spouses to spread the secrets of what happens between them in their private marital life. Indeed, this is one of the most evil things. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Among the most evil of people before Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who comes to his wife and has intercourse with her, then he spreads her secrets.” (Muslim)
It was reported from Asma' bint Yazid that she was with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and men and women were sitting with him, and the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Would any man say what he did with his wife? Would any woman tell others what she did with her husband?” The people remained silent and did not answer. I [Asma’] said: “Yes, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! They (women) do that, and they (men) do that.” He said “Do not do that. It is like a male devil meeting a female devil in the road and having intercourse with her whilst the people are watching.” (Abu Dawud)
************************************************************************
Anal Sex Islamonline.net
Almighty Allah says in the Qur'an: "Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth (have sexual relations with your wives in any manner as long as it is in the vagina and not in the anus), when or how you will, and send (good deeds, or ask Allah to bestow upon you pious offspring) for your own selves beforehand. And fear Allah, and know that you are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give good tidings to the believers (O Muhammad)." (Al-Baqarah: 223)
In the foregoing verse the word harth (tilth) indicates that only vaginal sex is permissible in Islam, because it is from this place children are produced. The semen lodged in the womb from which offspring comes is likened to the seeds that are planted in the ground, bringing vegetation. Both of them are substances from which something else is produced.
All Muslim jurists agree that anal sex is haram (prohibited), based on the hadith of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him): "Do not have anal sex with women." (Reported by Ahmad, At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah.)
Khuzaymah Ibn Thabit (may Allah be pleased with him) also reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Allah is not too shy to tell you the truth: Do not have sex with your wives in the anus." (Reported by Ahmad, 5/213.)
Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Allah will not look at a man who has anal sex with his wife." (Reported by Ibn Abi Shaybah, 3/529, and At-Tirmidhi classified it as an authentic hadith, 1165)
Further, it is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) referred to such an act as "minor sodomy". (Reported by Ahmad and An-Nasa'i)
However, it is allowed to caress the wife and stimulate her around the anus, without having sex in this area. It is reported that `Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (ay Allah be pleased with him) came one day to the Prophet and said, "O Messenger of Allah, I am ruined!" "What has ruined you?" asked the Prophet. He replied, "Last night I turned my wife over," meaning that he had had vaginal intercourse with her from the back. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) did not say anything to him until the verse cited above was revealed. Then he told him, "[Make love with your wife] from the front or the back, but avoid the anus and intercourse during menstruation." (Reported by Ahmad and At-Tirmidhi)
If one does have anal sex with his wife, he has committed a grave sin, which requires repentance. He should regret and feel contrite for committing such a sin. Allah Almighty destroyed a whole nation who were accustomed to this evil habit.
But, the wife is not considered divorced as many people think, because there is no evidence to support this view. However, scholars maintain that if a man habitually does this or insists on having anal sex with his wife, she has the right to ask for a divorce, because he is considered an evildoer who is causing harm by his action, and also because the purpose of marriage cannot be achieved through this action.
The wife has to resist this evil action and refuse to respond to her husband's desire to have anal sex. She should remind him of Allah as well as the punishment of those who transgress the Bounds set by Him, Most High.
Does Anal Nullify Marriage?
Ibn `Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) quoted the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) as saying, “Allah will not look at a man who has intercourse with his wife in her anus.”
If a man does this, his wife is not considered to be divorced as many people think because there is no evidence from either the Qur’an or the Sunnah at all which indicates this. But the scholars said that if a man habitually does this, his wife has the right to ask for a divorce because he is an evildoer or fasiq who is causing harm by his action, and also because the purpose of marriage cannot be achieved through this action. The wife has to resist this evil action and remind her husband about Allah and about the punishment for transgressing the limits set by Him. If the husband repents to Allah from this deed, there is no reason why she should not stay with him, and there is no need to renew the marriage contract."
***************************************************************************
Taking A Second Wife To Have A Son
Having children is a blessing from Almighty Allah Who bestows them upon whom He wills from among His servants. Almighty Allah says, [Unto Allah belongs the sovereignty of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He will. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He will, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He will; Or He mingles them, males and females, and He makes barren whom He will. Lo! He is Knower, Powerful.] (Ash-Shura 42: 49-50) Therefore, having a son is only in the hands of Almighty Allah and taking a second wife may not be the proper solution in this case.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto,Ontario, Canada, states:
Although your wish to have a son is natural, it is my earnest opinion that you are not justified in taking another wife solely for that reason.
First of all, how can you be sure that you will be granted a son, even if you were to remarry?
Second, it is unfair on your part to do so without your wife’s consent; for perhaps, as a respectable and caring husband and Muslim, you would agree with me that you ought to honor your marriage vows. In other words, if you come from a culture where taking more than one wife is not the societal norm and that your wife would not have married you if she ever suspected that you would do so, then you definitely need to obtain her permission before taking a second wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Of all the terms we enter into, there is none more worthy of compliance than the conditions we enter into while contracting marriages.” There is no reason to limit these conditions to those that have been written. It is, therefore, reasonable for us to suppose that they must also include all the verbal as well the tacit agreements that are simply assumed or taken for granted in a particular culture or society unless they are in clear violation of Shari`ah. Jurists also tell us that the customs and norms of a society, unless otherwise contradicted by Shari`ah, have the force of law. Therefore, it would be unjust and unfair on your part to simply go ahead and get married without your wife’s consent. You are therefore best advised to be content with Allah’s will and choice for you. You may do so by consistently meditating on the following supplication:
Allahumma ij`al lee nafsan mutma’innatan tu’minu bi liqa’ika, wa taqna`u bi `ata’ika wa tarda bi qada’ika wa takhshaka haqqa khashyatika
(O Allah, grant me a soul that firmly believes in meeting You, and is content with the provision You have apportioned me, and is satisfied with Your decree, and fears You as You ought to be feared.)
*****************************************************************************
Supplication To Have A Child
You should turn to Allah imploring His mercy and grace. It is Allah and Allah alone Who grants offspring and decides when to give. However, this should not prevent you from consulting expert physicians to make sure that there are no physical complications. Any way, we must turn to Allah for His help, for it is ultimately in the Hands of Allah. You may recite the following du`a' from the Qur’an on a regular basis:
"Rabbi la tadharni faradan wa anta khayru al-warithin
(My Lord! Leave me not solitary (childless though) You are the best of inheritors.)” (Al-Anbiya 89)
"Rabbi hab li min ladunka dhurriyyatan tayyibah innaka sami`ud du`a' (My Lord! Grant me from You upright offspring, for You hear all prayers)" (Al `Imran 38)
Also, it will be a good idea for both of you before having intercourse, if you wish, to perform wudu' and offer two rak`ahs of prayer (salatul hajah) and supplicate to Allah. On making love to his wife, a Muslim husband should say: “ O Allah! Keep Satan away from us and keep him away from any offspring You may bless us with.”
Remember, while offering supplications, it is important to cherish firm faith in Allah and faith that He will answer your prayer. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Call upon Allah while believing firmly that your prayer is being answered.” Also, be persistent in du`a', and never give it up. For Allah will answer in His own time. Rest assured that du`a' is always beneficial.
As for your question whether you will be able to meet that child in the Hereafter, I cannot provide a definite answer, for we are not to speculate on such matters based on pure reason and speculation. All that we know from the sources is that children who die before their parents in their tender age will be kept by Allah as a treasure for them in Paradise if they observe patience. The question whether this applies only to those who die after breathing of the soul takes place or not is not mentioned in the sources. Breathing of the soul takes place twelve weeks after conception."
Excerpted, with slight modifications, from: www.islam.ca
Shedding more light on the issue of seeking offspring, Dr, Rif`at Fawzi, professor of Shari`ah at Cairo University states the following:
“There is a verse in the Qur’an that answers the question; the verse is a du`a' cited by Prophet Zachariah (Zakariyyah). Anyone who wants to have children should utter this du`a' frequently. “And Zachariah, when he cried unto his Lord: My Lord! Leave me not solitary (childless though) You are the best of inheritors.” (Al-Anbiya’ 89)
When reciting the aforementioned supplication, the person should choose the times where du`a' is usually answered by Allah, such as during the last third part of the night or at the time for adhan (call to prayer). In addition, the person should eat that which is lawful and run all his life affairs according to that which pleases Almighty Allah.”
In his advice to his Companion Sa`d, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) remarked: “O Sa`d! Eat that which is lawful to have your supplications answered.”"
******************************************************************
Can A Wife Stipulate That Her Husband Not Take A Second Wife
Some of the conditions that may be included in the marriage contract may be in favor of the wife, such as when the husband pledges not to drive the wife out of her house or town, nor to accompany her in any travel, nor to marry another beside her, etc.
Some scholars maintain that such a contract of marriage is valid, but the accompanying conditions are void, so the husband is not bound to fulfill these conditions. This is the view of Abu Hanifah, Ash-Shafi`i, and many other jurists. They quote the following proofs in support of their view:
- Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Muslims are bound by their conditions, unless it be a condition which turns a halal (lawful act) into haram (unlawful act) or a haram into a halal.” They maintain that the wife’s stipulating that her husband must not marry another beside her, or not to take her with him in his journeys, is null and void, because it makes a lawful thing, i. e. marriage or accompanying her in travels, unlawful.
- Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is also quoted to have said: “Any condition which is not backed up by the Book of Allah (the Glorious Qur’an) is void, even there were a hundred conditions.” Scholars say, these conditions have no basis in the Book of Allah, so they should not be included in the marriage contract.
- They also say that these conditions are irrelevant as for concluding the marriage contract.
Another group of jurists are of the opinion that, if the wife has stipulated in the marriage contract that her husband should not marry another beside her, then if he does not fulfill that condition the contract will be null and void. This view is held by `Umar ibn Al-Khattab, Sa`d ibn Abi Waqqas, Mu`awiyah, `Amr ibn Al-`Aas, `Umar ibn `Abd Al-`Aziz, Jabir ibn Zayd, Tawus, Al-Awza`i, Is-haq, and the Hanbali jurists. They quote the following proofs in support of their opinion:
- Allah Almighty says, “O ye who believe! Fulfill your undertakings.” (Al-Ma’idah: 1)
- Al-Bukhari, Muslim and others reported on the authority of `Uqbah ibn `Amir that Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said, “The conditions you have the most duty to fulfill are those by which you have made marital relations lawful.” With his chain of narrators, Al-Athram reported that a man married a woman; it was stipulated in the marriage contract that he should provide her a certain house. Thereafter, the husband wanted her to dwell in another house, so the wife lodged a complaint to `Umar ibn Al-Khattab; `Umar said that the wife should be provided with the house stipulated in the marriage contract.
- They, moreover, maintain that the wife’s condition that her husband should not marry another beside her, is binding, for it contains a benefit for the wife and does not contradict the objectives of marriage; it is the same as the stipulation of increasing the dower. Ibn Qudamah gives preference to this view over the first; he says, “This was the opinion of the Companions, and we do not know any one who disagreed with them in their lifetime. In addition, the hadith that states: “Any condition which has no basis in the Book of Allah is void” means any condition which is inconsistent with the rules of Shari`ah, but such a condition is admissible, and we have mentioned the proofs that support its admission; therefore, he who doubts its admission should support his view with evidences."
Based on the above fatwa, the wife has the right to stipulate in the marriage contract that her husband must not marry another beside her and it’ll be binding upon him. If the man marries another wife, then she is given the choice either to obtain divorce or to stay with him as a co-wife.
*****************************************************************************
Adultery As Grounds For Divorce?
No doubt, adultery is an abominable and heinous sin in Islam. It violates peoples' honors and destroys families and may lead its doer to Hell in the Hereafter and great loss in this worldly life. It is unbecoming of a Muslim husband to leave what is halal (Arabic for: allowed according to Islamic teachings) and go for haram (Arabic for: prohibited according to Islamic teachings) or leave what is pure and go for the impure and filthy. Any Muslim involved in this heinous sin is required to fear Allah and sincerely repent to Him before it is too late.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, stated,
If you have clear evidence that your husband has been committing adultery and he has not changed his behavior and therefore you are unable to trust him, then that is a valid ground for you to get a divorce from him.
As Almighty Allah tells us in the Qur'an, [The adulterer will not marry save an adulteress or an idolatress. And for the adulteress, none will marry her except an adulterer or an idolater. All that is forbidden to the believers] (An-Nur 24:3).
The only exception to the above rule is when the person has sincerely repented and has changed and made amends to redeem himself or herself; in which case, you are allowed to continue the marriage.
May Allah inspire us to love all that is good and pure and make us abhor all that is filthy and obscene, amen.
****************************************************************************
Valid Reasons For Divorce
Marriage is indeed a sacred bond that brings together a man and a woman by virtue of the teachings of the Qur'an and the Sunnah. Thus, each partner in this sacred relationship must treat the other beautifully and properly.
A man must not divorce his wife to bring harm upon her, as this constitutes an act that demolishes this noble establishment, breaks the woman’s heart, and possibly separates the woman from her children without any reason. Thus, the separation between a man and his wife [without just reason] was considered one of the major and grave sins, and one of the most beloved actions of Satan, as was narrated in a number of hadiths. It is also forbidden for a woman to ask for a divorce without a sensible reason.
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allah" (Reported by Abu Dawud). The spouses should avoid divorce as much as possible. If they have difficulties and problems they should try to work out their differences and seek help from their relatives, friends, or professional counselors. However, if the differences are irreconcilable then divorce is permissible, but it should be done in a decent manner.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Generally speaking, divorce is not at all viewed favorably in Islam; rather it has been either condemned or discouraged unless warranted by valid reasons. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) cautioned against senseless exercise of divorce when he said, “Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allah.” So no one with the sound Islamic spirit and attitude must resort to divorce except in extreme and unavoidable cases, where it has been considered as legitimate in Islam. The reason for this is clear, for divorce entails dire consequences affecting families and individuals; it results in deep psychological and emotional scars, especially when children are involved.
Because of such factors and others, Islam considers marriage a solemn contract (mithaq ghalizh) and reckons it as the duty of both parties who have entered into such contract by invoking God’s name and words, to seek to preserve it intact according to the best of their abilities. For future of humanity lies in the sound family, which is the cornerstone of society.
Consequently, divorce has been generally frowned upon in Islam; hence it is imperative that we exhaust every possible avenue to avert the same; the steps thus recommended involve the following:
1. Seek counsel from those who possess wisdom, experience, and knowledge and seek to solve the outstanding issues between yourselves after gaining insight and advice from them.
2. In the event that such efforts fail, both spouses must resort to Islamic arbitration; in this arbitration one should have parties representing both sides. They should submit to abide by the decisions thus agreed upon.
The reason for this is that often humans become so preoccupied with their temporary personal likes and dislikes that they fail to see their own destructive behaviors and weaknesses. Thus they are encouraged to seek advice and wisdom from those with experience and knowledge, who may help them to empower themselves to take charge of rectifying their behavior and attitudes.
Having said this, divorce however, must not be considered a closed door. There are genuine cases when divorce is the only option available. Here are a few valid reasons:
1. Physical, mental, or emotional abuse or torture. When one of the spouses becomes abusive and inflicts physical, mental, or emotional torture, and is not willing to change by taking practical measures through therapy or counseling, then it is a valid reason for seeking divorce, for the Islamic principle states, “There shall be no inflicting or receiving of harm.” Zhulm (injustice) is not tolerated in Islam, regardless of who the perpetrator is.
2. Failure to fulfill the objectives and purposes for which marriage was initiated. This can be utter incompatibility between the partners, which may be expressed by their irreconcilable differences in temperaments, likes, and dislikes.
3. Marital infidelity. This can be a major cause for dissolution of marriage, for marriage is built on trust and confidence. Its main purpose is to preserve the chastity and modesty of those involved. Once this foundation is eroded and undermined and there is no chance to restore the same, then divorce is the way to go.
4. Failure of the husband to provide. When the man, who is considered the provider and maintainer of the family, fails to shoulder his responsibilities and the wife decides that she cannot continue tolerating his shirking of responsibility, this is grounds for divorce.
Any one of the above-mentioned reasons can be considered as a valid ground for divorce in Islam. If in a legitimate case warranting a divorce a husband refuses to divorce his wife, then she is certainly justified by Islamic Law to approach the proper legal authorities to get a divorce: The judgment of divorce thus rendered by such authorities can be deemed as valid in Islam. May Allah help us all to conduct our affairs with sound wisdom, understanding, sincerity, and faith. Ameen.
********************************************************************
Marrying One With Whom One Commited Zeina
First of all, it should be clear that having an illicit relationship is an abominable and heinous sin in Islam. Muslim men and women should fear Allah and stay away from falling prey to Satanic whispers and steps.
It should be also clear that marrying a woman with whom one had an illicit relationship is valid as long as the conditions of valid marriage are fulfilled.
In his response to your question, Wael`Abdul-Mut`aal Shihab, a Shari`ah researcher at Al-Azhar University , stated,
Thanks for your question.
You and your husband are required to repent to Allah for your relations before marriage. Sincere repentance involves regretting the sin you did, stopping all haram relations, and resolving not to do such a sin again. Also, try to do as much as you can of good deeds as they wipe out the wrongdoings.
As for your marriage, as long as it has met the conditions of Islamic marriage, it is correct. It should be stressed in this regard that documenting the marriage papers is very important and Islamic as it keeps the rights of both spouses.
Moreover, your illegal relations with your husband before marriage don't invalidate your marriage. As for the divorce, if you are still in the period of `iddah (waiting period), then your husband can take you back to his authority with no need for a new marriage contract.
So, it is our advice for you and your husband to approach the imam of a nearby Islamic Center to tell you how to come to each other and the procedures of registering your marriage.
May Allah forgive your sins and grant you happiness in this worldly life and the world to come, amen.
******************************************************************
Conditions Of A Valid Marriage
In Islam, the marriage of a man and a woman is not just a financial and physical arrangement of living together but a sacred contract, a gift of Allah, to lead a happy, enjoyable life and continue the lineage. The main goal of marriage in Islam is the realization of tranquility and compassion between the spouses.
If by “official wedding” you mean a grand feast, this is not necessary to make the marriage valid. The contract can be solemnized by someone who has been authorized to perform marriages (a judge or imam, etc.) and witnessed by two or more adult Muslims. If one cannot afford a large banquet, the wedding can be celebrated by a simple meal for a small number of relatives and friends.
Answering your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
Marriage in Islam is essentially a social contract, and so long as it is contracted conforming to the stated requirements, it shall be deemed valid. The presence of an Imam at the function is not at all one of the stated requirements, but the marriage should be solemnized by someone who has been authorized to perform marriages.
The stated requirements of marriage in Islam are as follow: Full consent of both partners to the marriage, expressing the above consent through ijab (offer) and qabul (acceptance), finally the presence of two reliable witnesses. Apart from the above, in the case of females, their guardian’s consent has been considered essential for the validity of marriage according to the majority of imams and scholars. Imam Abu Hanifah, however, is of the view that a mature woman is fully capable of contracting her own marriage. Thus in his view, marriages finalized without guardian’s consent shall be considered as valid so long the woman has chosen someone who is considered as compatible.
Furthermore, scholars are also in general agreement to the fact that marriages should not remain a secret affair; rather they should be publicized. Another important integral of marriage is the bridal gift; although it is not essential to stipulate it in the marriage contract, nevertheless it must be paid either before consummation of marriage or after.
Now coming to the issue of contracting marriages in a society where Islamic laws are not enforced or recognized, it is also highly crucial to get the legal papers before marriage contract; for legal purposes, the marriage must be solemnized by someone who has been authorized by the law of the land to perform marriage. In the absence of such legalization, there is no guarantee of legal protection for anyone in the event of a dispute.
Although some people may consider legalization as being not so crucial, I would, however, insist that it is quite crucial and essential; it is not advisable for anyone to get married without legal papers. This fact can be emphasized by referring to the fact that marriage is primarily a social contract and as such we should do so in conformity with the laws of the land we live so that such a contract can be legally enforced.
Apart from this, Islam teaches us to do what we do as efficiently, methodically and professionally as we can. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah loves you to do your work as best as you can.”
In conclusion, you should insist on getting the marriage done by obtaining the legal papers, and getting it solemnized by an Imam or a person who has been authorized to do so. So long as the marriage is done by fulfilling the above requirements, it shall be considered as valid. All other things such as arranging a grand wedding or throwing a big feast, etc. are all non-essentials as far as the validity of the marriage is concerned.
May Allah guide our steps in all our affairs and help us to remain steadfast on what is true and right, Ameen!
************************************************************************
