Tired of venting, tired of life. Back and forth.. make a decision, and then back to square 1.. Alhamdulilah.. I may be a huge screw up but i know it's because i have a half way decent heart and i can't stand to know people are unhappy (even if i am happy).. so back to drawing board??
No fights.. yep! Not for a long time now.. i think i have made it past the 4 year bump.. InshAllah..
praying i don't have to go back to yo-yoing... i truly hate that!
I worked really hard to lose weight and you know, it worked.. BUT then i got pregnant AFTER i miscarried yet again. you know if you ever had a miscarriage.. you begin to wonder if you can have kids. i mean it is a huge test.. you start to get further along.. 12 weeks safe from "danger" or so they say and then so much pain, more than you ever had in your life.. and then blood.. a massive amount and coping is REALLY hard.. SubhanAllah..
I remember getting into a huge dark place.. and i didn't wan to come out.. it was very hard to let go. and i was grateful none the less but i could not stop mourning.. Alhamdulilah! Now i am blessed and only Allah SWT knows why i had to go through 2 to get to this one.. i am nearly 17 weeks and still can' believe it.. nothing too crazy i just couldn't just open up and tell the world.. i lost not 1, but 2.. in 6 mths..
it took me nearly this long to just "let it go".. and when i found out i was pregnant yet again for the 3rd time in 6 mths i freaked.. i got so scared and made dua3 constantly.. i was afraid for my health, for the baby, and thinking i can NOT handle another .. better to not even know i was pregnant in the first place.. but 2 weeks turned into 3 and hubby asked me to take a test.. and i told him i was afraid too.. and we just looked at each other and cried.. i let it go... and he did too.. i never thought about how he was affected by all of it.. he just hid it better than i did.. Alhamdulilah.. i am grateful for all i have and taking it one day at a time inshAllah..
No fights.. yep! Not for a long time now.. i think i have made it past the 4 year bump.. InshAllah..
praying i don't have to go back to yo-yoing... i truly hate that!
I worked really hard to lose weight and you know, it worked.. BUT then i got pregnant AFTER i miscarried yet again. you know if you ever had a miscarriage.. you begin to wonder if you can have kids. i mean it is a huge test.. you start to get further along.. 12 weeks safe from "danger" or so they say and then so much pain, more than you ever had in your life.. and then blood.. a massive amount and coping is REALLY hard.. SubhanAllah..
I remember getting into a huge dark place.. and i didn't wan to come out.. it was very hard to let go. and i was grateful none the less but i could not stop mourning.. Alhamdulilah! Now i am blessed and only Allah SWT knows why i had to go through 2 to get to this one.. i am nearly 17 weeks and still can' believe it.. nothing too crazy i just couldn't just open up and tell the world.. i lost not 1, but 2.. in 6 mths..
it took me nearly this long to just "let it go".. and when i found out i was pregnant yet again for the 3rd time in 6 mths i freaked.. i got so scared and made dua3 constantly.. i was afraid for my health, for the baby, and thinking i can NOT handle another .. better to not even know i was pregnant in the first place.. but 2 weeks turned into 3 and hubby asked me to take a test.. and i told him i was afraid too.. and we just looked at each other and cried.. i let it go... and he did too.. i never thought about how he was affected by all of it.. he just hid it better than i did.. Alhamdulilah.. i am grateful for all i have and taking it one day at a time inshAllah..
